Notes on not belonging abroad
I was very honoured when Elvira Vedelago, Editorial Director of Postscript, asked me to guest write for her newsletter, Thoughtful. For the month of October, Elvira explored the theme of belonging within the context of travel. Guests were asked to share their thoughts alongside some recommended reads to go with the theme. I shared a few thoughts that I had while reflecting on what it means to belong - or rather not to belong - abroad. They’re brief notes that I hope will spark your own reflections. See what I shared below.
1.
To travel is to choose to put ourselves in places we do not belong, in order to find something within ourselves that we cannot find at home. It means having the privilege of being able to afford to put ourselves somewhere we do not belong, and to (generally) be welcomed for it.
2.
I once read about Indigenous cultures and rural communities in the Global South that were hosting Western travellers in their homes and villages. They had a different perspective on solo travel. They felt bad for the traveller - that they had chosen to leave their friends and family behind and that they were all alone on the other side of the world.
3.
In my early 20s, it was a goal of mine to live in Tokyo one day. I was thrilled by the idea of feeling lost in a world completely different to my own. Of moving through a space without any attachment to the things around me. When you’re at home, there’s a sort of unspoken language that we all read without even trying. I can usually judge what a shop or restaurant will be like by its graphic design. I can roughly tell you about someone’s background, their class and where they grew up by the way they speak and the slang they use. Some graffiti or street art might remind me about the current political climate, of what’s really lying beneath the surface. In a foreign place, the ability to speak that visual language is taken away. In Tokyo, I imagine I would be surrounded by signs and symbols that have no meaning to me. In not belonging, I would be seeing things as they truly are, without the weight of context or judgement.
4.
Earlier this year, I travelled to The Gambia. It’s my first time on the African continent. I’m not African (I’m mixed English and Jamaican), but I’ve heard stories from Westerners with Black heritage travelling to Black-majority countries and feeling a sense of belonging. I’m curious to know if I will feel something too. During a market visit, I notice a man staring at me. When I look back at him he says ‘toubab.’ It happens again in the street and then some kids shout it after me as I walk through the village. I ask my guide what it means and he says ‘white person.’
5.
Places to seek out a sense of belonging and familiarity no matter where I am in the world:
Libraries and bookshops
The ocean
Caribbean takeaways
In writers and movies that I have taken in too many times to remember
In the people I love
Recommended reads
Pachinko by Min Jin Lee
2017
“In Seoul, people like me get called Japanese bastards, and in Japan, I’m just another dirty Korean no matter how much money I make or how nice I am.” This is one of my all-time favourite books. It follows several generations of one family from Korea to Japan, covering the Korean migration in the early 1900s, the treatment they faced in their new environment, and how it impacted their identity. It’s a book that I felt fully engrossed in and couldn’t put down, which I find quite rare to come across as I’ve gotten older.
Saltwater by Jessica Andrews
2019
This book follows a girl called Lucy from a working-class town in North England as she moves to London for university and struggles to fit in with her new surroundings. I like that this book covers class differences in the UK and the feelings it brings up when you don’t quite fit in but you don’t really understand why.
Goodbye To All That by Joan Didion
1967
“I was in love with New York…I knew it would cost something sooner or later—because I did not belong there, did not come from there—but when you are twenty-two or twenty-three, you figure that later you will have a high emotional balance and will be able to pay the cost.” This essay, to me, is the most perfect essay to be written. Every time I read it, I’m amazed by the way that Joan Didion captures feelings, moments and places. This essay covers both the highs and lows of not belonging in New York - how it made her fall deeply in love with the city and then the feelings that came when New York no longer felt right for her. It’s part of the collection ‘Slouching Towards Bethlehem’ but you can also find the essay online.
P.S. Not a reading recommendation but also watch Black in Tokyo - a documentary by Nigerian-American artist Amarachi Nwosu that follows five Black people from different parts of the world who have chosen to make Tokyo their home. The film was created to show the foreign experience of living in a homogenous country and shares both the challenges and opportunities that come with that.
